Wedding Crashers

There comes a time in life when your group of friends grow up and start to get into serious relationships. Soon, you start getting invitations to weddings and engagement parties. It seems as if EVERYONE is getting engaged, and soon your social life flourishes into an excitement of open bars and dancing around with your date’s tie on your head. 

Weddings are classy and crazy all at once. The ceremony tends to be a sweet reminder that love does exist, gives you something to reflect upon, look forward too, or be thankful for – depending on your personal situation. My favourite part is when the bride walks into the room and her soon-to-be husband sees her for the first time – that look on his face when he sees her beautiful dress is classic. It gives me goose bumps no matter how many times I’ve been to a wedding.

The reception is surely the best part – everyone is on a natural high from the excitement of seeing two people in love, sealing the deal forever. At this point, people start drinking, only because the bride and groom take pictures for ten hours. Things get messy, and that’s when the ultimate memories are made. No one remembers a wedding for how classy it was – but everyone remembers a wedding for the outrageousness and ridiculous antics of the guests.

1.) Do not wear white – the bride wears white ONLY

                                                     Photo from the movie ‘Monster In-Law’

 Remember that scene in Monster In-Law, where Jane Fonda (mother-in-law) walks into the room wearing a beautiful white gown on her future daughter-in-law's wedding day? I promise you, at your own caution, never ever ever ever, try to upstage the bride. Bride's are like permanently PMS-ing zombies, destroying everyone and anything that get's in their way. Bride's are also kind of like dinosaurs. But not any kind of dino's, more like T-Rex's. They will eat the living sh*t out of you if you try to wear white. Think of it this way, if you wear white, you'll only end up in red since the bride will tear you a new one. hehe. But seriously.

2.) Don’t drink too much – no one likes that person

I was at a wedding last night, and I saw many people having a good time. I also saw many people having too good of a time. I feel like open bars are trick questions. People get greedy when there is free liquor, and only when you drink like a camel for fear of Vodka running out, you get tricked into your alter-ego alcoholic self. Don't be fooled! You may feel like your invincible, making people laugh at your jokes around you. Nuh-uh honey. Those people are laughing at you. When your on the dance floor, twerking and showing off that sprinkler move, all while puking into random table centre pieces that house the beautiful white lillies that the planner has set up, you know it's time to leave. Also, when the speeches begin, you don't want to be that a-hole in the back screaming incoherent messages and jokes. Go home Lohan. 

3.) Never tell a speech if: your too drunk, an ex of the bride or groom, or if you have nothing good to say.

Life is almost too easy when we have movies to learn from. The Wedding Singer has a scene in which a man gives an excruciating painful and embarrassing speech to his brother who is getting married - but ends up making an idiot of himself all the while embarrassing his whole family to the point of tears. Or, in The Hangover, when one of the actors gives too much info while speaking at his best friends rehearsal party. If you have any ounce of jealousy, and you know you are set to give a speech, fake an illness, because no one wants to hear you bitch. You will never win, it's not your party. When it's your party, you may bitch all you want. For now, fake an illness and get out. 

Photo courtesy of 'The Hangover'

                                                                                                                         

4.) Do NOT fight over the bouquet

There's something sexy about a woman who can hold her own. There is nothing sexy about a woman who want's to get married so ridiculously bad that she punches out her best-friend in order to get that $12 buck bouquet (most bride's don't even throw their actual bouquet). In fact, I make sure that I'm first row during the bouquet toss, in order to watch chicks get crazy.

Do you think that it's going to make your boyfriend propose to you? He might do the opposite and get a restraining order. Do you think that this bouquet will magically build a boyfriend for you? NO. If you want a damn bouquet so bad, go down to the dollar store and buy some fake flowers - this way you can have them forever. Otherwise, I feel like I'm watching UFC fights for free - minus the tight shorts.